Lesser of 2 Evils

[konflikt]

another Dr appt on tuesday and going to put a few points to him, spose i should give a short history of my latest experiences..... Went tp a Dr for depression and anxiety..after i decided to stop smoking weed and drinking till i could grow my own.. which is currently in the making and incident of self harm.....I was prescribed an aniti depressant called duloxetime and bascally pushed out the the door like it was the saviour.....id been on antidepressants for years and find they have little to no effect....i give em a shot notice no difference in my mood... still doing obsessive thngs..if i gamble i do it to excess, if i drink, i drink to excess,..if i smoke i smoke to excess... well after another incidicent of self harm i was admitted to a Mental facility involuntarily, which is basically a prison that helped me detox, yet got no help whatsever from any Dr's.. they talked to me one ticked a few boxes on the sheet they had and rleased me 2 days later witha box of valium.... well i see my GP 4 days later, tell him the valiums arent helping he etc..he reluctanty prescribes me 50 well they were gone in 10 days.... however i know a Dr that is pretty much willing to prescribe anything.. so i go to him he prescribes me 50 valiums thats 150 valiums within the space of 2 mnths....well a cpl days ago i was admitted to hospital aghain after another incident f self harm.. starting to look like a chess board... they inject me with a tetinis shot, analyse my blood and that was about it..lucky i had parent there wgho werw willing to take me in for the night... so anyway i wak out wit the shits!... so is that it i say "i dont feel like i achieved anything by coming here" and walked out....well yesterday i popped 40x and have zero left.. two reasons, they dont do shit for me, and i im not gonna flush em down the toilet i imght as well get some kinda buzz ouof em , which i didnt anyway....All this bullshit could have been resolved bynot giving up weed in the first place... its the only thing that keeps me calm...well still got at least 8 weeks till harvest "hurry the fuck up n grow u fukkas so i can be normal again" Lmao... but seriously valium does jack shit, marijuana works miracle for me... i can function with marijuana.. and saves me going to to the Drs asking for a pill for every ailment marijuana cures...Pain , Anxiety, Depression, Sleep Disturbances etc......

[dani]

Hey Kon,

I know you're in a bad place and i agree whole heartedly that

" valium does jack shit, marijuana works miracle for me... i can function with marijuana.. and saves me going to to the Drs asking for a pill for every ailment marijuana cures...Pain , Anxiety, Depression, Sleep Disturbances etc..."

But Kon taking so many just makes you crazy. I know. My prescriptions for 5mg are to be taken as required. and there have been days when i've required 40-50mg in a day, without even knowing it. I go thru a packet of 50 in under 2 weeks sometimes.. Cheaper than a gram of pot too, and i pay full price..

 

Just remember tho, if you are only 8 weeks off harvest, would be a shame to mess it all up now because of messed up legal drugs

Kon you are obviously trying to hold on, do not give up. Do not let anyone stop you from living a healthy and fulfilling life.

People self harm in different ways. I do it to myself mentally, cos i could never bear for my daughters to know how bad it is sometimes and see the things that i feel like doing to myself.

Kon you are not alone, and you do have a family that love you, Use that as your anchor! Get out of the house and WALK. Put headphones in and just walk til you can't walk any more, then turn around and do it again.. It's hard to stay focused on one thing when you're moving, cos the scenery changes all the time so do your thoughts.

When i can't think straight, i imagine smoking a great cone and then 10 more.. Helps to calm me by the deep breathing..

Please Kon, hold on to your anchors and only tear off so many vals a day, say 5, so you keep track of how many you're taking.

8 weeks will go by faster if you stay focused on big picture..

 

 

 

Edited January 2, 2011 by dani

[brick]

I can't understand how doctors can just issue scrips like that. In Vic my son (my son is suffering from clinical depression, no I cannot get him to try a cookie or a joint, if it was legal he would)has to visit a psych at least once a month and cannot get a new scrip unless he does. He has cut down from a full tablet to a quarter (don't know what he is taking and he would be pretty shitty with me for telling this about him)and eventually wants to stop but he would not be able to do it without seeing his psych at least once a month.

The AMA is a pill pushing legal mafia who is controlled by the pharmaceutical companies.

The doctors are just as bad.

People with problems can be helped more by talking about it to someone who has empathy and understanding. That is what has helped my son, a good understanding reasonably young doctor and a psychiatrist who has dealt with mental health problems with kids for about twenty years. My son was diagnosed at age 16. He is now 24.

[The Hash Nibbler]

hey guys....... ahhh The Black dog........... has also followed me for years. Pretty hard to shake him and the meds are not so great, well for me anyway. i have given up on Pharma meds to treat it, and instead I stay active (as much as someone with a back injury can. .)

I find eating things high in Omega 3-6 very helpful for me. Good diet and a bit of excercise works well too.

I was diagnosed with Severe depression/ anxiety years ago. I still battle it, but there are more good days than bad these times.

I stress a bit too much, but you do that sometimes .

I wish you all the best of Luck with your conditions and just take it one day at a time. Brick is right, doctors get kick backs from Pharma companies to push their products and this is where the problem begins.............

 

Hang in there Kon, get out in the fresh air and sun, if your like me, you probably don't feel like it sometimes but force yaself, you'll feel better afterwards. I go to the beach. Gh72

[malbuzz]

i feel for ya my brother kon .

all my life i had fuckers tellin me that im all fucked up and i agree with em , thing is im only fucked up cause they cant sought there own shit and try to project it through me . therefore i have a whole lot of shit in my head that aint necessary . so i smoke to forget that shit . but at the same time theres stuff that happens that ignorance or gettin high cant fix , no fuckin chemical pharmacies sell is ever gonna help either . im no doctor but sometimes finding the right person to help with the answers your lookin for works better than both . lifes not about drugs its about living .

hope you have an excellant new year my friend .

may your harvest be plentiful .

and if not your friends generous .

[Chronmasta]

yeah sorry to here it mate, i didnt realize the extent of ya distress ..... you hold a good poker face in chat mate

 

i can relate to where ya coming from mate, its a fucked time and i wouldnt wish it on anyone.

i think malbuzz is right mate, and perhaps you`ve felt it too...but getting shit off ya chest to the right person can help heaps mate..no drugs, no grog, just an all out cry on someones shoulder and dont bother about thier opinion.....when i did it i felt a huge weight off my shoulders and managed to pick mi self up a bit....well enough to not thin about the dark times, all the time.

also agree with malbuzz that life is about living, perhaps if ya can find it in yaself to talk to someone and get the weight off ya chest...maybe then you`ll have the strive to go and enjoy your life......go fishing, rock climbing or sky diving....its all out there mate

 

I know its not a cure and imo nothing will cure severe anxiety and depression, but i know that when you find something that you`re passionate about, you`ll become a happier man

 

yeah its all alot easier said than done and its something ya cant be told to do, im just chucking it out there mate......i hate to see a good bloke go through the same sort of hell i went through.

 

also, when i say have a cry on someone`s shoulder, i dont mean a paid professional, i more mean a mate or someone who`s been there too

 

im here if ya ever need to talk to someone outside your usual circle.

 

what everyones said is true mate.....you`re a good bloke and its clear ya trying.....keep ya chin up and stay proud of who ya are

 

 

take care,

Me

[ReallyRed]

Kon what you have just presented portrays to

me a story of someone who has had a realization. All of fthese situations that have come in and changed your life from

the mental to the physical have allowed

you to sum up a person, this is a part of your life story. A lot of us will relate to it as well.

It sucks man that so many people are touched with depression that seems so difficult to shrug off. I myself am having some

issues in regards to love but also this whole topic of marijuana, and whether or not I deem it's incorporation into my life as a positive or a negative. But.... There seems to be few guardian angels that pull us in the right direction and so on, and I actually find that quite healthy.

 

We are shaped and molded by our environment and what threatens and nurtures it. If you can say that you are more aware now in life than you were in your past that pretty good.

 

If you can explain your stories to otherwise for the sake of education that's growth.

 

If you can take something you have learned from and find something new within it. That's a pretty damn good thing to live for.

 

Hey it may be life find a new meaning, but forever create and try not to destroy too many things you did no create