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Stealthy Disposal of Waste


Po Campo

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Hi all. I am a former "florist" and thought I would share a few thoughts regarding minimising the risks associated with the disposal of waste products (sticks, leaf, root clusters, plastic bottles etc) at the end of each crop. I now drive for a living, often in semi-rural areas, and I regularly see things which have led me to put finger to keyboard.

 

There are basically three ways of getting rid of your waste: put it in your wheelie bin, take it to the tip or go for a drive and dump it somewhere. Option number 1 is fraught with multiple risks. Don't do it. Number 2, the tip, is a better option, although I don't recommend it. The close proximity of other people makes it an unacceptable risk. Number 3 is the way to go, but it must be done well.

 

When you harvest, cut the trunk right down to the base. This will allow you to put the whole root cluster into a heavy duty garbage bag and tie up the top so that the contents will not be visible. I see a lot of root clusters by the side of the road with branches one or two feet long sticking out of the top of the bag. This is no good. If Chief Wiggum pulls you over and has a look in the boot and sees branches, it's all over.

 

For your journey you need a sedan with a split-fold rear seat. Put your bags of rubbish in the forward-most part of the boot, up against the back of the rear seats. I used to fill the rest of the boot space with bags of cans and bottles. If I was pulled over and Wiggy wanted to look in the boot, he would see bags of cans bound for the recycle depot.

 

I would routinely leave home just before dusk on a weekday with my wife driving. I would make sure she was wearing PLENTY of perfume, just in case we were pulled over, so that any pong from the leaves & sticks in the boot would be masked. I would be in the front passsenger seat. Dusk is a good time because there are still plenty of cars on the road (safety in numbers), but it's dark enough so that hopefully no-one will see the bags flying out the window. When I got to the drop-off point, I would slide into the back seat, roll down the window and open the split-fold seat. Get the ok from wifey that there were no pedestrians, then hoik the bags out the window. It is best to do it while moving (60km/h plus). If you stop and get out and remove all the bags, it gives an unseen pedestrian plenty of time to get your number plate.

 

I see a lot of bags dumped at the end of dead-end streets in the middle of nowhere. This is not recommended. Sure, no-one is likely to see you, but if Wiggy sees you go down a dead-end rural road at night, he might decide to have a closer look. Pick a rural/semi-rural road which is on the way to somewhere, so if you get pulled over, you can say, "we were going to the XXXX Hotel." A gravel road is ideal. The dust will make it hard for any unseen pedestrians to get your number and the tyre noise will mask the noise of the bags hitting the dirt.

 

Good luck! Running the gauntlet is always exciting.

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