Self Medication with Cannabis

[Nath]

I have only really had problems for about two years or so, and been on olanzapine for a year in total now. Whenever I had cannabis, I didnt use olanzapine though... and I was fine. My eating was fine, my sleep was fine, my thinking was nice and relaxed and life was great I guess. But now its been 14 weeks nearly with no Cannabis (Two years ago I went without it for a year, it was ok.) and also, no cigarettes, meth (using only one and a half years, thats why im like this probably) or other drugs (pills etc)... and Im on Sodium valproate, a mood stabilizer (Which I havent taken for 3 weeks or so now, and I feel much better without) and Olanzapine, a strong antipsychotic. Well my problem is:

 

When I take Olanzapine, the next day I feel headfckd from the drugs, and its not like a good sedated feeling, its like a just eat and eat and eat feeling. Olanzapine makes you crave carbs, and keep eating. In 14 weeks Ive gone from 85kgs to 118kgs now, thats nearly 40 KGS in 3 MONTHS... this is the second time Ive put on alot of weight, as when I first quit meth/cannabis/cigs at 19 years old, I went from 65kgs to 115kgs in 8 months sitting on the computer really depressed. Well, now things are under control, I will definately not be using meth via IV again for a long time to come (Maybe on things like NYE or something) and no cigarettes definately, yuk hate em now.. and basically what I wanted to know is..

 

What should I tell my doctor.. my problems are: If I dont take meds or smoke cannabis, I dont sleep.. and if I dont sleep I start going loopy, and if I go loopy then I get bad paranoia and anxiety. Things like scared of the dark and the shadows and stuff like that its horrible. But I want to just tell my doctor, that I WANT SLEEPING TABLETS, and Im STRONGER than your average person when it comes to addiction so I will make SURE I dont get addicted to them, but they have up until now just said to take antipsychotics during the day if I feel hyper. But the effects of the antipsychotics (Even in minimum doses - Ive been trying 5mg a day of Olanzapine for a year, and now they are saying take the 10mg tabs) are terrible, I hate them... I cant operate normally, all I want to do all day is sleep and eat because of it. And its nothing like a nice low where you feel sedated its a full headfck. I dont know what to do, or how my doctor will react if I say I want to take cannabis instead. I have thrown the idea up before her before, and she was TOTALLY against it... but now she has left and in about three or four days I see a new psychiatrist and he will probably just look at me and go 'DRUGGY' and tell me to piss off like they all do. The sad thing is, Ill have to stay on meds until I can get my crop cranking, but Im planning to have a place secured with deposit by Tuesday, so I can move into it in two weeks from then. By the way I dress really respectable in shirt and pants, shiny black shoes, jewelry and shit, pimpin.. but just what I tell them about IV'ing speed and stuff Ive done in the past makes them think of me as scum I guess, even though its been 3 years off the speed... just had a high paying job this year and splashed out for a couple months again.

 

Argh, feels good to get that off my chest, now I just hope someone can help.

[nugget]

Cheers guys :thumbsup

 

lemme steal ya thread for a sec nath

 

I know what you guys mean when you say he's the only one who can help himself. Like i said before he just doesnt think he has a problem, and will tell this to anyone who questions him. But then 15 mins later he's going silly cos he needs another whack (hes into the needles). Dad has offered to take him in (He's in SA, we're in TAS) but as he wont speak to him, he hardly has the guts to face him in person. Its makes it even harder when on one hand my family expects me to be the one to try and talk him out of it, and on the other they're not sure whether I'm using myself because I was so close to him and anything he did, so did I.

 

But in the end, inside I know you guys are right, he's the ONLY one who can help himself.

 

I'm actually at a bit of a loss for words cos i dont usually spill my guts like in my earlier post to anyone, i tend to keep it all to myself

 

Thanks again guys..

 

Sorry nath for stealing your thread..

 

nugget23

[Pa-uul]

Thanks for the reply Nath. Yeah, exercise sounds like a good idea to me too. I wish I would do it more often myself! I used to do it regularly, go for a run every day and what not, but have tapered it off lately. And now I'm putting on the pounds! There is an important psychological aspect to exercise I think, and it's in one's brain chemistry. The opiates are good for it and the exercises produce endorphin. Ya: I'm like Arnold Schwarzenegger, he says: "every time I pump my muscles it feels like I'm having an orgasm!" Ya, it makes me feel shcoo goot! And who's to say that this pleasure is bad? It is surely the goal of all life; so, is it not so bad?

Maybe I will try an Olonzapine some day? In the meantime I will continue to smoke dope.

So, I salute you. :smoke

[Nath]

Well I had some temazepam today, and it didnt do crap... slept for a couple hours and that was it..... I was taking small doses hour by hour, ended up taking 20x 10mg tablets...... and still only slept for 4-5 hours. Im going to need something way stronger. However, if I have a session of just shitty weed it has way better effects than this. I know I did take a big dose of temazepam, but it was 5 tablets at a time, wait an hour, then another 5, wait an hour... etc. Looks like im going to have to go to alternative methods, perhaps asking for some serepax or something stronger. As I said im 120kgs, i cant believe they want me to take one 10mg temaze and get to sleep off that. I was even thinking of mixing it with alcohol to better effect me. Ah well, ill hae the last five tonight and then wake up fresh in the morning to go look at some places. I stocked up on my olanzapine today so i gueess its back to zombie mode for another three weeks until i see my doctor....

 

Ive even thinking about just not taking any meds altogether and triggering a manic episode.

[Nikki]

Nath, I can certainly relate to the immunity making meds not worth shit. I haven't had a good nights sleep in as long as I can remember. Temazepam worked at first but then same thing, no good. Switched to Valium for anxiety/sleep and ended up taking anywhere from 5-7 at a time. I'm not sure if this is the same for everyone but with the valium it got to the point where if I didnt have any in my system i'd get the shakes so bad it was hard to fucntion. I found a doc that would give me Morphine for my "migraines" whenever I wanted it but I built up an immunity to that also. I was going to the emergency room making up all sorts of bullshit stories to get the Morphine if my doctor was closed or not working, not good. I've tried herbal stuff to no avail. If MJ is what works for you thats fantastic

 

It is SO imortant to have a a good doctor, if not the most important thing. If your thinking about taking AD's get your doc to explain to you the sides and all that, the first cppl of weeks on em can seriously floor you. If you do go on em make sure you never stop taking them abrubtly coz it has baaaad effects. I've been on Prozac (2 capsules daily) for about 7 years now for clinical depression, anxiety, OCD tendencies and I used to suffer the scariest panick attacks. About 2 years ago I felt good and didnt think I needed them anymore, stopped taking them and literally went crazy, had constant screaming in my head, constant suicidal thoughts and was basically a mess. (years of a fucked up lifestyle have left my brain pretty fried I think) I took myself to the hospital one night to stop myself from doing something majorly stupid. Went back on the prozac and am ok headwise, sleepwise i'm completely fucked. Don't think badly of leaving the light on, i'm shit scared of the dark.

 

Cutting off friends and ppl who are into all the bad shit is so so important, sometimes it can be hard to do, sometimes I feel so fucken alone I dont know what to do anymore, but its definately for the best. I also reccommend getting a silent telephone number just to ensure they can't contact you. I have some major trust issues so I haven't actually taken any steps to make new friends, I think its so good that your gonna do that. Loneliness is a horrible feeling and no matter who you are or how strong you are, everyone needs some form of interaction with others. You've really done so well Nath, I wish you nothing but the best of the best

 

Chev, you are awesome, you really are and I hope you know that!!! I wish I was as strong as you, I cleaned my life up a long time ago when I found out I was pregnant so that hasn't been an issue for me in some time (apart from a little incedent with crack when I went overseas last year) but emotionally sometimes I think i'm going to break. I love your positive attitude, it really helps to read posts like yours and Naths' and others and see how it is totally possible to make new friends and build a new life for yourself I'm a total recluse, I hardly ever leave the house and I never see or talk to anyone. My family are all fucken lunatics so I don't see them either. I only leave my house to do the shopping and to pick up and drop off my son at school and even then I don't get out of the car so I don't have to talk to anyone. I really need to change all that.

 

Nugget23 your brother is dam fucking lucky to have you!! I know its hard to watch someone you love destoy themselves, he may have to hit rock rock rock bottom before he finally decides to do something, maybe not, he may decide before that, either way, the fact that you care so much will help him more than you'll ever know!

 

(sry bout long post, hope I didn't jack it too much, once you start typing about stuff like this sometimes its hard to stop)

 

:yingyang

[Nath]

I'm a total recluse, I hardly ever leave the house and I never see or talk to anyone. My family are all fucken lunatics so I don't see them either. I only leave my house to do the shopping and to pick up and drop off my son at school and even then I don't get out of the car so I don't have to talk to anyone. I really need to change all that.

 

Ive been like that for three years in total.. from 19-20 I was sitting on Yahoo pool in Cairns in my room. In 8 months I went from 65kgs to 115kgs.. 50KGS IN 8 MONTHS.. Jenny Craig would have a fit.. Then this past 14 weeks I went from 85kgs to 120kgs. 35KGS in 3 MONTHS.. NUTS. I had no want to go out into the world or do anything, just wanted to wake up and KILL KILL KILL On my 2d spaceships game. I got the most kills in the world in that game for months on end... Id play nonstop to the point where I was better than thousands of people, Im still one of the best attackers in the game. Ive built up a really good reputation there and I think thats why I still play it. I got banned though a week ago, and its been great, I dont even want to play it anymore. My eventual goal is to move into an apartment do a small grow, then go to a larger house rental where I can crank a bedroom or two and start having fun in life again

 

Thx Nikki... I ended up with 25x 10mg Temaze's yesterday. I started off with having 5, waited an hour.. no effect, had another 10 and then started to be a tad drowsy. All up I popped the whole 25 by about 8pm and now its 6:20am and I feel refreshed... Just shows you how strong my brain is. When I use to use drugs Id have to double drop E"s to feel anything, its rediculous. BUT with mj.. I still have one or two cones and im fried nice, but can keep smoking, but theres really no need. MJ doesnt have immunity for me really for some reason. I think the doctors meds are rubbish. They prescribed me one temazepam per night, I took 25 and didnt even get 8 hours sleep and my head is fine this morning. I dont know ANYONE who can do that Some people might think this is abusing meds, but I did take them over a three hour period at 5 then 10 then 10.. so it was a controlled situation testing to see exactly how many I needed.. and yea the bezos are pathetic for me. I thought thats what I needed so I asked for it, Im sick of antipsychotic headfk medications. I really dont know where to turn now. The doctor is going to think of me as a drug abuser now since I took them all, but I wont tell her I took all 25.. or should I? I see her again in 3 weeks. There is a chance I can ask for serepax which is stronger..

 

Im not sure if I can flowering pot in a share house, people in the house would surely know if Im flowering in the place wouldnt they... even if its a micro fluoro flowering with 48w lights.. but anyhow, im going to build a box there and crank 4x 48w CF's with about 15 clones or so plus some seeds just for a month until I get my loan in March when I can move out then. Just gotta find out about their inspection policy.

[Chev]

Hey Nikki, it's hard when you've had to isolate yourself from friends and family. I've watched the people I've grown up with and gone to school with turn into full blown junkies, the shit is EVERYWHERE. New years eve was the first time I'd gone out since stopping, I suppose it was a test for me. And it's proven to me I'm not ready for it yet, I knew who was having it and I ended up joining them. I was very, very unhappy with myself for a few days but I realised I had to get back up and keep going with my resolution. Meth is harder to kick than heroin, so I guess 1 fuck up isn't the end of the world. But I'm not ready to socialise out and about yet, not until I know I'm strong enough to say NO if it's in front of me. I just stick to people I know who don't use, which is like my mum and dad, Tom, and 1 of my good mates. That's it. To me, the rest of my world uses so I have to change my world. Won't happen overnight, but it will happen Have already looked into playgroup for my 3 year old, so I guess I might actually meet some normal people ::

It's hard, so hard, but everyone has a choice in life. And I chose life.

[Nath]

I was never addicted to the drug itself.. i was addicted to the feeling when IV'ing.. I IV'd heaps of crap, from glucose to epsom salts (Once each) Around Perth the speed is getting around bad, everyone from my highschool is on it, and some have moved 'up' to bunting E's now which is horrible. I tried a few E's like that, but they didnt do crap, so it left me wondering what I was sticking into myself... chalk or some crap probably. But ah well, im above that now most definately. When I used on NYE when I was coming down I was like I WANT MORE... but I knew I fkd up and definately wont WASTE my money on that crap again.. thats all it is, is a total waste of money. Its just lost its interest in me now, which is why I dont use it. Id rather buy E and take that, and then Id only ever use E once every month at the most.. its not good to roll too often.

[Budman2012]

Hi All , I hope you are well

This thread really moved me , and I thought It Excellent that All you guyz could be so truthful with your experiences.

Very Comendable.

Even tho these posts were written months ago , I felt like I wished I could get some budz to Nath somehow.

How are You going these days? if your still around

I could very much relate to all of your struggles.

Anti-Dipressants/psychotics etc. are so fucked up. I sort of regret ever taking them at all. (I don't now and never will again) But I guess at the time , I just didn't know what to do.

I just couldn't function at all. Didn't really want to leave the bed , and wasn't motivated to do anything other than have a drink and cone or few.

And sleepers really suck too , sure they do work 4 me (before tolerance kicks in) , but then same again as above , couldn't get out of bed for most of the day.

These days its pretty much just the beers, bongs, cigarettes and the occasional trip.I guess thats still a bit excessive , but there have been other things aswell , tho not meth for me. Morpine and the like came close to never lettin' me go. (God It was Good to Relax and sleep tho , not to mention painkiller ofc.)-p.s.don't do this!

I still think about this everyday - And why do I know of so many people with these fucked up problems.

I'm sorry , It just makes me so sad sometimes.

Well , I'm at least smokin goodness rite now with a few beers , So I'll be havin' this beer now to toast to the health of all people who are captive to suffering. Cheerz.

Good Night/Day to you all.