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Stoner Jokes")


Satanicwelder_420

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A while back i had stumbled upon a member asking for some Funny jokes about stoners ") well here you go buddy. I hope you enjoy them all :bongon:

 

 

 

:D There were 3 men and they all died in a car crash and went to hell. When they got there the devil asked them all in turn a question.

To the first he said "what was your biggest sin on earth?" and the man replied "Oh man I just love alcohol and being drunk man" so the devil showed the man to a room full of alcohol of every type and description and he put the man inside and said "see you in 100 years" and locked the door.

 

To the second man he asked the same question and the man replied "oh man I just love to have sex with the ladies, I was really unfaithful to my wife man". So the devil took the man and showed him to a room full of hundreds upon thousands of georgeous and beautiful naked women. The man ran inside and the devil said "see you in 100 years" and locked the door.

 

The third man's answer to the question was "oh man I just LOVE weed! Im high all the time man and I can't live without it!". The devil showed the man to a room packed with the most amazing grade-A bud you've ever seen, stacked to the roof! The man went inside and the devil locked the door after saying "see you in 100 years".

 

100 years later the devil came by to let the three men out. He opened the door to the first man's room and found the man collapsed on the ground, passed out with empty bottles laying around him and puke all over him. He was a mess.

The devil opened the 2nd man's door and the man came running out of the room and cried "IM GAY! IM GAY!". Finally the devil came to the third man's room and opened the door. Sitting in the middle of all the bud, in the exact same position the devil had left him in was the man. He looked up at the devil and with a single tear rolling down his cheek he asked ; "hey man, got a light?"

 

 

:D A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, "How much for that TV set in the window?"

The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the stoner, and says, "I don't sell stuff to potheads." So the stoner tells the owner that he'll quit toking and will come back the next week to buy the TV. A week later, the stoner comes back and says, "I quit smoking pot. Now, how much for that TV set in the window?"

And the owner says, "I told you I don't sell to potheads!" So the stoner leaves again.

He comes back a week later and says, "How much for that TV?"

The owner says, "I'm not going to tell you again, I don't sell to potheads!!!"

The stoner looks back at the owner and says, "How can you tell I'm a pothead?"

The owner looks back and says, "Because that's a microwave."

 

 

:D A stoner walks into a gas station and asks the dude at the counter, "Got any weed?" The man politely replied, "Um, no sir. We do not sell marijuana here." So he left.

The same guy comes back the next day and says, "Got any weed?" The man behind the counter, although slightly annoyed, patiently replied, "No sir. We don't sell marijuana." So the man went home.

He goes once again to the gas station. And again, he says to the guy working there, "Got any weed?" By this time the other dude was pissed. He yells, "You freakin' refer-lovin', pot-head burn-out! I told you, we don't sell that crap here! If you ever come back in here asking for that filthy crap again, I'll nail your freaking feet to the floor. Got it? Now beat it before I call the cops." So the stoner left.

The next day he went back to the same old place with a dopey smile on his face. He went to the cashier and said, "Got any nails?" The man hesitated, then replied, "um, no sir, we don't sell nails here." The stoner grinned. "Got any weed?"

 

 

 

:D A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home.

One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps up to the stoner and says "Call me an ambulance!" The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, "You're an ambulance!"

 

 

 

:D A hippie was walking down the street one day when a pixie pounced on him. "Today is your lucky day!" said the pixie. "I'm gonna give you two wishes. What will the first one be?" The hippie thinks for a moment and then says, "I want a never-ending joint." So the pixie snaps his fingers and there is this king-sized joint. The hippie jacks it up and starts puffing. After five hits the joint is still the same length. Next the pixie says, "...And number two?" The hippie replies, "This is so cool man! Gimme another one!"

 

 

I got more if you are interested:) thanks~Satanicwelder_420

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